There

You know how there are certain events or places that make you reflect back every time they roll around? And the one certain event or place makes you realize that time is marching on? For me that certain event and place is camping on the chilly California beach in June. It’s become, in the past few years, a marker of sorts. Reminding me where I’ve been. Where I am. And that there is much to look forward to.

About 2 years ago an incident took place that rocked my world. I was rocked and shocked and found myself questioning a lot of my ‘truths’. It was when I was in this slight state of shock I found myself There, camping on the beach. Being soothed by the waves and anchored back down to reality. It was There I wondered if there was ever again peace to be found and a few walks along the beach and runs along the bustling Coast Highway, and knowing looks and nods from Ryan telling me that I was okay, gave me flickers of hope that yes, there would be someday. That week we soaked in the sun, I boogie boarded for the very first time beside my kids and nieces and one of the best friends I’ve ever had, I’m sure we all ate too much and laughed too hard and stayed up too late. I probably lost the annual speed competition, I’m sure that I laughed at a few of my brother in law’s cheesy jokes, and I know rolled my eyes at a few more, I most definitely gazed upon the beauty of my beachy babies with unkempt manes and suntanned skin and tried to let myself be pulled out of the state I was in. It was a healing place for me. There, surrounded by nature, family, friends and the simplicity of a tent and a suitcase. No schedule or unrealistic demands being forced upon me. I couldn’t have handled them that year. There was exactly what I needed.

Fast forward one year. One year ago. There again. On our first day in California I took a trip to the store to grab a few things we needed. I was all alone and got lost along some back country roads just a few miles off the beautiful coast. While being lost wasn’t ideal and it took me an eternity to find my way to the store, the cool air, beautiful scenery and anticipation of the week ahead brought me to a place of pure contentment. I had the windows rolled down and the radio turned up. It was on that errand that I decided to run into Target and get a couple more things for the week. On a whim, I decided to buy a pregnancy test. The likelihood of it being positive wasn’t great, in fact, I knew I was being ridiculous but I just wanted to make sure. Once I paid and had the test in my possession, I couldn’t wait the few days I had planned to wait. I took it right there in the target restroom and found out that I was going to be a mama again. Instantly, I entered a new state of shock and unexplainable peace. I remember repeating “Wow. [pause] okay. [pause] Okay. [pause] Okay…” over and over again. That night I told Ryan. We were all cozied up, the kids were worn out and sleeping soundly, and he and I were reading in our tent. He had much the same reaction I had. A calm shock. A beautiful shock. An electrifying, glorious shock, blanketed by pure peace. Much different than the shock I had experienced just one short year before. What a difference a year makes.

Fast forward one year from last. Just a few weeks ago. Each of us pulled into camp a little bit different than we were the year before. But even with the changes, some things remain constant. Again, I laughed loudly, ate well, gazed upon my beachy babies with unkempt manes and loved every minute of it. We detoured from our beach haven to Sea World one day and I couldn’t wait to get back to our camp and tuck my babies in their beds in our temporary tented home. This year I watched pelicans fly in perfect v formations, read books, ate donuts, snuggled my pajama wearing sweet, sweet baby. I marveled at how fast time goes and how fast kids grow up. This year, being There with my family and friends and a new baby who was just an itty bitty embryo one short year ago makes me grateful that time marches. One night during this trip I was lulled from sleep in the night by a quote being whispered from heaven into my ear over and over and over until I was fully awake and recognized it for the teacher it was.

“Now is the high-tide of the year,
And whatever of life hath ebbed away
Comes flooding back with a ripply cheer…
Now the heart is so full that a drop overfills it,
We are happy now because God wills it.”

I still feel the effects of two Junes ago. Sometimes it feels good to reflect on that time. Mostly I’d rather not. I also still feel the effects of last June. And mostly, it’s still beautiful and the unexplainable blanket of peace is still wrapped solidly around us. I was not without my own markers this year, tokens of where I am. I’m hoping to look back next year and see some healing and progress at best, understanding at least. As we packed up and erased our footprints and readied camp for another family to come in and fill the space with their laughter and memories I couldn’t help but think that now is a high tide. And with the high tide, treasures are washed up and left along the sandy way to be picked up by passersby when the tide gets low, pulled back out by an unseen force. Some treasures immediately deemed beautiful to the naked eye, and others broken bits of ocean dregs that grow me and stretch me and give me pause to wonder if they are worthy of putting in my pocket and declaring beautiful or simply worthy of a toss back out to sea.

Fast forward, one year from now. I hope to be There again. Still happy because God wills it. Still appreciating whatever of life hath ebbed away. Still with a heart so full that a drop overfills it. No matter what, recognizing that this life, with its ebbs and flows is a blessing. And I couldn’t be more grateful for my trips to There to help remind me of just that.